Is Kissing Considered Cheating?

Thursday, September 21st

By now you've seen the pictures of "Big Little Lies" co-stars Nicole Kidman and Alexander Skarsgard kissing each other at the Emmys, but is it considered cheating? Especially when her husband Keith Urban was right there??? Host Elizabeth Kay discusses this and other relatioship advice with local professional matchmaker Julie Amann with It's Just Lunch!

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Transcript - Not for consumer use. Robot overlords only. Will not be accurate.

Is it just seemed considered it cheating in the it's Elizabeth K another episode here with fifty shades of cake with my very good friend Julie amen who's a local professional matchmaker with it's just lunch. And that's what we're talking about today is. Fifteen considered cheating. Don't question because I feel like. During the unease with Nicole Kidman. And her on screen husband big little light actor Alex Sarsgaard. And their little kiss that they had afterwards so Julie. Birther jump right in all of this or dot thanks for being back at that cliche the K thanks for having me back so what do you think about it's the kiss with Nicole Kidman. And Alex scars cards you think that is something that Keith Urban Nicole Kidman's husband should be a little uncomfortable less well that. Is really what he million dollar question is here today is is kissing cheating in and I cannot go on social media today with a team that can't everywhere. Even mildly kept on screen rights of the kept our streak they had sex I don't know I'm real acts went there we have it you watched big little lying there weren't very intimate scenes and very intense scenes between the two of them I don't wanna say too much to the people still wanna watch the series Shaq I wanna talk about what happened to their relationship. But it was really a test and that he's acting and I feel like it was a little too intimate to have a little. Just with your brand well a lot of people agree with you and that's why it's all over social media it was the intimacy. That was involved in that casts his hand was on her way east her hands were on his teeth and it was a kiss on the lips themselves. It's funny when people ask this question is can't seem cheating right. Well men and women view the act of kissing differently they really do for most women and a it says much emotional as it does as the clock yeah there's that mind body connection there while for some man. It is purely physical and that's where this manner from Mars women are from Venus mentality comes. From when it comes down to kissing and is it considered cheating and sell. It's a subjective question right I mean you have to you. Really we talk about what your expectations are in a relationship and she dean is ultimately about violating your partners' expectations what ever they are coy yeah and it's also a comes down to on the and how people. Feel that the other person values that respects them because cheating is also very embarrassing thing for people to me queasy feeling to remain to look like a fool me. Out of respect is a big part of that and I always say if you feel like you're doing something wrong. You probably are and it's it's something that you would not do. In front of your significant other that you are only doing in private. And yes that is also something wrong because in this case Nicole Kidman had her husband hair capsule old maybe that's where we say it's not cheating that because he was they're disrespectful maybe that's slower recently was disrespectful to her husband who's standing right there you know a lot of times it they were talking about an on TV today that these actors they developer relationship when they're making a movie together and sell. It's those people we know right we on the those people who there with customers right you'd see them you think oh boy this is one common an out as he's gonna Casey I. Am so. There is something more in cement about it but. Return does Floridians is is on right I mean we don't stop Floridians. A lot of the times when we're DD and someone ran a relationship. It can be a problem and Alan this is where that kissing in the egg comes in and sell and climb flirting is just friendly right at stops there. We're having fun we're in the moment I'm in the it happens but it. Win you're trying to get something out pats win you one to maybe go home with a person are you looking for a date. And I wanna just kind of remind everyone we're talking about Floridians and DDR has seen other people while your DD is. Is that she did that cheating I think it's pretty obvious I mean the is when your in a relationship when your in this one on one relationships someone. With someone there's a lot less gray area right then when you were in a committed relationship and so if you're not excludes of is it. Is it CD in right I don't think a lot of people would disagree that hey if you're passionately kissing someone in a relief while we are married or in this one on one committed relationship pretty easy to say that editorial right yes yes shore. On but it's this went what I'm talking with clients are with people bored eating in the house is this cheating Julie I'm yelling what do you say yeah I mean I guess a lot of it tumors begin and generalizations we are a lot of it is a case by case basis putting your world as a local matchmaker who you probably have a lot of people that. Are in the early stages of dating didn't try to come up to you and say yeah I really had a connection with this guy or girl or our. But this happened and should I be concerned even on the same page and get a lot what I want what do you say you hit the nail on the had I mean that the truth is that you're not exclude sons. It's not technically cheating if it's not deaf friends episode when Ross says. We were on a break when you Rachel broke W you're out of brains and I felt like a broken record a lot of times when I'm talking with both singles as well as talking minivans but. The key when DD is to be honest and communicate what your expectations are. To make sure your ball on the team now. My question for you go did you deal again with people in the early stages of dating when do you bring up the what are we can talk and a relationship when you let me tell you when you don't bring it up on a first and so your body anybody what are we where. Looking for those who want out of this relations and I I write the bartender I'm very confused right why not a case none too much content so it kind of bring that up is when it feels comfortable and I know again Gary general. A third or fourth date you can start. Putting those things out there I always say remember and I'm working with clients. As matchmaker and so its sole. Wonderful to be able to match people. Who want the same things out of relationship if you're single if you wanna start a family if you're looking to get married where Mac too with people who were on the same page. So once there is chemistry. In just works. So you're doing enough on your own Richard dean on your own. It important there may be the chemistry right out of the gates. But you have to talk on the added second third fourth day to start bringing an up and say and purest kind of what I'm looking for a relationship and then life. Because it gives the other person the opportunity to say and we'll all wake I either need to put the brakes on your little bit. That's not when I'm looking for a nude talent looking to meet people you almost can't blame on as long as there's honest. You at the beginning of this process have a lot of big questions answered from your client so that they T said. If you aren't matching up someone who's like I just love to watch you wanna meet someone have a little bit of fun. You got to match them up not with someone that sane I have three kids I wanna be married I want art that serious yeah right you go through all of that to make sure that you're not putting these people together that I want the same pay your goal out what. The interview process was about and I got to play yesterday eagle might cost you get in doubt with these interviews. And it's important I was this year you're comfortable with but the more I know about you batter I can map she'll. And it's very important to make sure that our clients are on the same page for the first day because again. Clay cancels that we've I've only been on three deep is it weird that I wanna go on hold for the dispersant and give us a golf know once there's chemistry goal for yeah explore that relationship. But if you are not working with the matchmaker and again. The lines are a bit more blurred you have got to understand it what looking for an like how the light hearted conversation about it. On but you have to have a conversation about it because. In today's day and age there are all different kinds of perceive cheating when it comes to DD yeah I exactly I mean let's talk about tax keen to move texting I had a friend. That I almost at her name I won't say her name I had a friend we all of a friend who very very recently. And realized that her serious point front of only three years news. Had been tax teen. Like his college girlfriend whom and it that the messages were inappropriate but she was just sort of taken aback of what's that hack would make you think to text her and appearing there was something on FaceBook that take a couple people from college. And then they had reached out to each other. Animator very uncomfortable about it what are all the whole taxing someone else when it comes to. A lot of people argue here. That a fun forty tax to someone they haven't seen panel on time in the case of your friend. Bowler you know that maybe they haven't madam her son is. Hate and BD no big deal right it because I haven't even not the person it's late it's fun it's clarity. There is a big difference now between them messages that are late in flirting and just kind of fun and those across over the line and intimacy. The bottom line is however you make your partner feel. You're responsible for those feelings and so I love that say it again say that's perfect well you're responsible for the way you make your partner feel and so the worst thing someone can do that situation is to say. It was no big deal. There're there're there are Mandelson women are crazy and I I ate my responses. You're only as crazy as your woman as you make a woman like how you guys crazy demands you're responsible for that can you communicate about turning so you've got to address that hey how did I'm sorry the magic of the way it wasn't my intention. Intent all along why did you and the person that has nothing to hide it and hides nothing if they are lucky that there are secret text messages from a different role be in the phone's always turned down at the lock screen code is changed. Tammy de Costa wanna say okay what is going on here that you're keeping this rate keeping this private when you choose the action and you choose the consequence cracked yes and again any time something like this comes up in a relationship I'm always telling clients or. You know singles this an opportunity. To get. Deeper in the relationship to Grohl from the ask what bothered you about those. You helped us out those expectations and relationship. At that time it's it's for her to say listen I am I'm not be in a reasonable he had a relationship with her this is an ex girlfriend here's they're making me feel. I love the expression where there are no boundaries you really do invite to street Spock indoor relations at true and when it comes to adding a third person and the outsider let's say in this case the roommate that's texting her. My friends a whole point was. I don't know her. I don't know her I don't know her intentions I don't. Is is a professional conversation you guys cross paths because of Warren do I mean what is the issue Mary I mean she knew nothing about this girl there are just these these tax. And they were again just friendly tax but it made her still feel. In tourist because she thought OK is is there a list. Joke going on and I'm I'm kind of the joke you know that I'm not in on the I'd up the fairway to feel that I I don't think she's overreacting in her at all truthfully for asking for my opinion I am sorry captain told us that content. Thinking of someone else's attract or taxing someone working with someone as attractive insane hey. She's beautiful person or I really find him on the gosh look at the sky. Then how should not be active cheeky and whether you're in a relationship or not I think everyone would agree hey we're gonna find other people attracted and our lives here. However if someone hasn't security is both within themselves were with in the relationship. It's going to fuel bubbles and securities and sell you just factory number. That day talking about someone talking with someone is not an act of cheating its act he nonetheless be leans alone in the beauty or ash is really good looking at dean Canada's is the act of TD while figured it. I made I know there's people are gonna listen as senators say oh I don't care if my husband says that the waitresses hot. Two up point two point I L I feel like if it's disrespect dean who your wet than it does go too far. It really really does you know there's like an eye on it I'm like oh my gosh outlook that are all while all. That's just uncomfortable or anything wrong in the relations Matt and I. Are cheating in the it always comes down to there's something wrong in the relationship to get some knocked it means something in the they want to and there are uncomfortable conversations sometimes I mean let's be honest here and it's you're talking about Saxon times are talking about these things these needs he won. And it's important help those conversations. Because you can't go around it or you're gonna end up in the conversation where someone is lacking in. Yeah you gotta go through you have to talk about you have to get on the same page if you are not and Julie. A lot of people have their guard up when they start dating because you don't put yourself in a vulnerable position your own physically or emotionally I mean there's a lot that your putting yourself out there when you're trying to fall again or start a relationship yeah. And that can make people leery because maybe they've been burned before. How pretty how do you handle that there's there's a woman that I know who was burned to really badly her last marriage I mean really badly and she is thinking about maybe dating but she's hair a five because she feels like the one person I trusted. Yeah by the time her husband who burner in the worst way possible. How can she go back out there that and say cool let's have another go at this than what you say as a matchmaker when someone comes to you interested but their skin art. Yeah and I aid will tell you IE work with clients like unfortunately. All the time who are sitting in front of me sane. I never thought I'd be in the situation whatever that situation as. It's okay to be leery it's OK to have your guard up it's OK to say I can't believe I'm doing Muslims so scared to get out there again but you can't be better. Ian bidder is not gonna call you when it comes to. What I talked with a 55 year old you know client yesterday who is a new client of mine it's very similar situations what you just described. And the bottom line is I said are you looking to be in a relationship again or do you wanna spend your life. With your family your kids and certainly hasn't fulfilled by if that's a good question and she is sad I am not ready to hang my hat I want to be in a relationship. Then the answer is you have got to date if you wanna be in a relationship and self. Deep the right people know what you're. Non negotiable aren't relationship. A lot of times people tell me want somebody who's kind I want someone with integrity and wants someone who's honest. Those are fantastic qualities to one to embrace but how does someone shell that. A lot of times I'll say hey I have someone I'm thinking of for you he does missionary work he's. Really involved in the community he's a great dad he. You know may be coach of Little League the signs of kindness you are signs of integrity look for those things and are not error. And don't Wilfork heard with the fact right third day we want us sometimes he lets elect to bear when it's not you know we. The women mad we create kind of the situation that we want to embrace it and it's the same with cheating and you can't close your eyes to a tree in front of you either. And it's it's how I get client to give people credit who have been through those who have been on the other side of cheating who have felt this response did. Angle I don't wanna do this again. Unfortunately no risk no reward and we both know the report is bad when you're not happy meaningful relationship. I say it all the time and people are gonna think I have. Strange on love for pizza or something but it. I've always liked. I'm here for me peoples on a Friday night to end it matter when you're doing with someone of cash if the battery life and sell in order to get that to embrace it to find it half dates and gusts what. At all your dates are gonna be he. Great matches you know whether working with matchmaker or not you you have to date a little bit until all the sudden you're driving home and you golf. Oh my gosh that was different. Perhaps you sit there and say while good thing I put myself up there because look the right person did eventually. Yeah come around you and you have to be positive with what you're doing I mean you have to be eternal optimist I would imagine because people are coming to you. Hopeful that that you're organizing your company it's just want to you can put them in contact with the right person because ultimately they're coming do you because it wanna be along. Right and I think anyone who meets me I I hope my enthusiasm comes across on from that first conversation I have with someone. Because you know me I am hopeless romantic due primarily around the because I know the difference that makes because I get the phone called. Someone on the other line and I think is anyone they are and their crying because. Never thought they'd feel this again all that's for radio. And law is a beautiful thing and it dry its mandate everybody can be in love or find love in some way think how great this world that's why try to do it really doesn't sell. I know we started off talking about is kiss scene cheating then and she. Good communication on keeping your relationships strong and giving that other person what they need when we look at these bath couples were weak all. Home my gosh they are such an awesome couple. It doesn't come at no cost it it it's hard hard work and they've been through things but. They've come through those things stronger. And it always comes down to those respect like you said for one another commitment. To lob the ball commitments. And a lot of times that commitment you're turning you're back on my opportunities. That are right in front of you sometimes. And that would be what would TE NN with. Relationship that will work we talk about the hard work. A lot of times it's having those hard conversations who they are there are times in any relationship turned take take romantic out of it even relatives. Sometimes you don't wanna sit down and have that really hard five minute fifty minute conversation but if you don't. You may have hard. By year's hard fifty prayers because your boy you know pushing things under the Ron or. Just you know turning turning your eyes away from what could be going on so handles hard conversation happening it's notre. Could you he could not likable resentment over time did it and is it you're still right I mean you have to. Your priority has to be your partner. At the end of the day what they say the grass is green every water yeah exactly and another same by the way which I didn't I I can't take credit for this I say it off and but a listener right thing called into the radio show on city years ago and the grass may be greener on the other side but every yard has attorney and so don't forget that it is the church and the grass is greener where and when you want to cheating and I mean I I work with all kinds of clients people who may have learned from their own. Ways and he'll say I am so much smarter because of that the grass was not greener I gave up a really really great thing because of my stupidity. And so. Loud that you learned from their mistakes are and where has it reflecting they really do in their daughter for the U2 options you know to. When I talk but those clients that you brought up again music I don't I don't know I wanna take another another chance. The sweetest and I hate the word revenge but the sweetest revenge is a happy life six that's Essex I'll say it is greatest revenge is success can brilliance and a cat and the trust within relations one final question which I'm Julie. Now when we talk about Sheen and people that have been burned in the past and things like that what are your thoughts as a matchmaker when you're starting a new relationship. And they talked about this on the bachelor bachelorette he has that man be the ideal weight but they'll often ask a question. What went wrong last relationship why did you last relationship and then how do you know like hearing about the axis. But how do you feel about that question in a relationship of someone asks that didn't. Do you deep into the details to you not keep a high level especially if it's the first day it I would just say we both made mistakes and I move on I would not share anything about it on a first or second date. Once you're in the relationship you're gonna and that's your going to talk about your past relationship. And it's OK but the blame on the other person a relationship takes two people. And even when there's cheating in a lot of the clients that I you're really ready to move on wall saint you know what. I was cheated on but truthfully Julian I was disconnected from the relationship. I play a part of it that happ I stole off and it's such a it's a really big thing to say I mean to be able to admit that I'm like you're ready to move forward you've learned from your mistakes. Probably weren't getting what you wanted to either but again relationships all part when you don't sit down work through things and communicate with one another and sell. Island. Yeah I mean they're not right away and the first daylight and I I wouldn't get too into it and especially. I will tell you I hear about it if at my clients are going out the first thing I'll say to me when I say how was the date. Is remember I'm getting feedback which is sell. Its life changing for people to say do you know we're talking about Eric's offer state why didn't have. Yeah you are in the last three dates of sadness and so it's very eye opening they learn a lot about themselves by at. Again there's something really classy about not putting the blame on the other person. Even if you deep down iron do not wrong it was only his ball I don't know are really very well think again or her fault certainly. But it's important not to voice that to say hey we were at team the team pile up car and so hearing on what about you. Right Accra Ghana and yup and again talk about things your passion and about on a date your kids your family travel your motorcycle whatever it is you lava. That you kind of light up we think about you lean talk about those things. They'll translate really wanna date and this is why people have such success working with you it's just relax because you're like a relationship college I mean I guess you you are you're trying to help people find a Mac my goal is their goal and that's released and sent them. I'm here to help facilitate and hopefully somebody your list they'll make the first stepping go to it's just wants dot com and be able local number you can ask for me I'm not you know. Hiding in some back room hi how actually it. Working and talking with our clients I look forward to hearing from him. Emily everything up at 991 the mix dot com and if you have any questions or anything to offer to reach out to Juli Inkster has seen it Huck and people are Anke and she. She can be hooking you on thanks so my clock on. If you enjoyed this podcast and you wanna hear more make sure you subscribe so to subscribe to fifty shades of K. Make sure your on your iTunes app Google play or your podcast app on your Smartphone. Search for fifty shades of Kate that's 50. Shades of K and a should be a little button where you hit subscribe there's also a little button or you can hit every deal I'd love it if you left to review. Let me know what you think. Again it's fifty shades of K thanks so much for listening.