Confessions of a Mom

Thursday, October 5th

Help end the stigma when it comes to talking about mental health. Do you or someone you know suffer with postpartum depression? You're not alone. It's not uncommon. There's over 3 million cases reported in the U.S. each year. Host Elizabeth Kay sat down and talked with Mix listener Amy about her struggles and how she found hope during a really dark time.

For help and more information when it comes to postpartum depression, visit

Remember, you are not alone.




Transcript - Not for consumer use. Robot overlords only. Will not be accurate.

I think we're losing into another pod cast a fifty shades of K I'm your host Elizabeth Kate. And this podcast today is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice diagnosis or treatment. Today we're going to be talking about postpartum depression. Earlier this year Christi T yen Mary John Legend model she revealed that she struggled with postpartum depression after she had her daughter Luna. And we start talking money here at the radio station how a topic like this still unfortunately seems to be taboo. And it shouldn't be this is something that a lot of women struggle with so we reached out our FaceBook page. And we were shocked with how many women who reached out to talk to us and these women wanted to share their story in hopes of educating people. And a demeaning women hope that it can get better. And what they did to pull through out of a really tough time. One of the women that reached out to me and FaceBook is Amy who's here in studio with me right now thanks for joining me Amy thank you for having me you talked about fallen a couple days before we sat down record this podcast. And I heard a little bit about your story. But I was really really taken back by Howell candid and honest you were just on the phone about some of your struggles and hope for people that are listed as podcasts that he can't get batter and how you've gotten howled so if you could take a second. What is your story and what kind of happened with you when you were dealing with postpartum depression. My main stories sent out with me actually dealing with depression and anxiety. On the and I think college I was in a relationship that was very rough verbally abusive very hard for me to go through and staying getting a lot of depression anxiety and wasn't sure what it was. And so I went to my doctor and my doctor was able to subscribe a drug to mean I don't know if people take in the struck before but it's called Taxol it's not a drug that I would. And I take again. And so I got put on that that relationship was not very glad it ended badly is so I was very sad very upset. I ended up moving in with a friend and then after they went through that path I finished up college and they started a new path for myself and as I. Had that has everything from the past had made my. I guess you it's Aimee Rhodes stopped for a little bit because I was so overwhelmed with everything that happened Timmy and I decided that it was time for immediate use something that wasn't. Good for myself but. I went ahead and decided that it was. I was not happy anymore and I wasn't a good relationship at the time but for some reason I just couldn't pull myself up. I know what I was doing your tickets and is downing. And I decided that. I would take some pills I decided to go ahead and do that it wasn't the smartest thing. To do but I did I was very lucky that. Came back home and took me to them emergency room and I was able to get. Help that day well how scary it was very scary because my name mom did known denied knowing anything about this. And it in my father they had to come to the hospital and find me there as my life went on I got a second chance. And that settlement that was in my life became my husband and then this was the man you had kids went I was very nervous when I had my daughter that the same thing what happened that you would start going back to a dark place that I might start to get depression and anxiety because that experience at before. Thousand Charlotte's gonna happen but I was OK so high I thought this mom thing was going to be okay. As our journey continued we decided to expand their family and have another child while. This time it was more of a struggle for me because I had lost the baby. And that was one of the hardest things that I had ever gone through. When I went through this process and south and was very depressed I was having a lot of anxiety but at this time I knew how to reach out for hall matter this time. So I did go see a therapist. And the therapist who attacked me alive and off so I got to see a psychiatrist who went ahead in described prescribes me a drug that was. Able to be taken and that would be done well with me because with other drugs that I was on before I decided to take my top off of single cold Turkey. And you shouldn't do that Schoen and you really have a lot going on at this point I was able to kind of get through that part of it. One at last the baby I think it took a told on my Mary is a little bet. And it took it upon myself and on my daughter. Because I just didn't really know what I was doing luckily. I was last on another child. And when I had my son I was very happy to have him in my family's complete test and then again. Me trying to be mom I was a stay at home mom. And I had to keep up with both children my now ex husband decided that it's. Our life was going to be different and he chose to take a different path as we are going term marriage and decided to. Find other ways to be happy with other women besides my. South so you know I have two children yes if you have a newborn and you're dealing with there's an affair deaths and wife clearly is just becoming an almost out of control for yo. And it's just when you started to feel like at some of the anxiety was starting to creep back up. Yes I did so that way because as we talked on the phone. I was there in the situation. But it was like I was telling us like a movie who managed just sitting there watching everything flyby me. And I was able to do things but I wasn't really taking note of what was going on around me. And I love your metaphor when you did tell me that over the phone or somebody mentioned it here Amy that you felt like you were watching a movie. It think about all we watch movies. We're kind of participating in a way because we're experiencing a lot of emotion and we can see with slam the screen or not actually in the movie and in your case you feel like you actually weren't. Participating in life but the president you were there you're watching all of it was or anything like an example that you can give us that you could remember. We you sort of realize hey I'm not really. Present with all of this right now. Probably because besides going to therapy in south sometimes it's good to exercise and do that Tuukka that's on the that I learned to. So on Saturday mornings when I was able to I would go on exercise at them when I come back I was back to my reality of being a mom of two. And my son at the time I was at a mom partners and that's all that heat. What do he would not take bottles or any things I just felt like I was just sitting there. Taking all my time for him and my daughter and there wasn't really any time for me because I did not have the support. On the you're supposed to have from your husband's. To help me take care of my children are still likely would go to the part and I be watching my children play at the pike and I start crying because. There's something missing I wasn't myself I wasn't there like we planned an event one time and it was to go see. Those skating up ice skating shows that the Disney ones. And a sitting there watching this show and I'm just sitting there watching everybody everybody's happy they're smiling they're lacking damning at a time. And saying they're trying to smile and show my excitement. For my children and I remember that we took a picture of all that together. And I know by looking in this picture and my face my eyes. It was off fate can loan and I can tell I've because sometimes I can look back at pictures. When I'm going to be different phases in my life and I can see now posting is this what they. And did you feel like you couldn't speak out about it because there is still this. It's still a taboo topic because I feel like there are moms that kind of say well. I've been a mom. You have to sacrifice you have to do so much for your kids you have to put them first and they kind of have this put your bootstraps and just deal with that. But I feel more more now that women aren't talking about things like postpartum depression that are very real. That it's not that easy it really isn't there is an element of needing to get outside help and from whom you've felt it sounds overwhelmed and just kind of at a really low point eight. Yes I was conveyed did have my mom there to supply ammunition and a different state. As really hired because she didn't understand why I was so upset even though. I had last city be and and my life has gone on and I had my son and my daughter and I was okay at my two kids but I was still you know I still felt a lot of sadness and hurt from that. And so buying new home because of what happened previously in my in my life that I knew it was okayed to. Go to that there test and I was going to therapy a lot more and it was sad because as we want to this progress has been saying you know my access cited ten. To his own things soul we of course and then appoint her divorce so when that happened. I think what it is is that when you hit one depression like I did in college where you hit so low. At that point in time you know when it's coming up again. Right you could feel this as you're going to your divorce I utility and it was the most horrible feeling in the world to share hill. I was a single mom and wasn't working and I was getting a whole new life sat for me my whole life got turned upside down. And you didn't perhaps want it and you know that sort of decided this for use that you were making a complete U turn yes I realize and I knew that I had to be strong. As my next chapter in my life was coming up I had to be strong because. I was the mom the situation and I knew I was the mom and I knew that I could not sit there and cry my children are older now my daughter was old enough to understand. That I was heard at times and I. Knew that when she with Simi and say well why you crying and so I realized you know lack. My daughters watching me I mean it's nice honest here I need to do something. And what you see eating your daughter when she would asking these questions would you explain any of this to her while some of that she knew because. We are going through divorce and she knew that I was a little bit sad and thought I taller though and I told her several times too because god do have bad days but I have told her before I said you know. This is something that mommy's going through. Mommy's OK she's a mom is really sat right now. 'cause I filled that do with my children I try to be honest with them is passes I can't per at least for their understanding they Intel may completely tell all when you're just lying to them are making something up but there is a really delicate way of explaining something like this because. You tell you want your daughter to feel like it's her fault or some confidence again and still to this stay at this time that you know mind I love her very much as on with their Brothers as a while. But we're just better off being friends are not living together and so now you're back in therapy did you do this on your own ordered someone close to speak up and say he Kimi. I'm worried about you know I knew when this of course it happened like it Phillips coming up so. I did go into therapy and stuff like that and it's generally take heart from me you do have to find the right there test that you fit with even if you have to go through a few. You ask you to do Amy and you and I talked about them on the phone and we I've done other podcasts here and fifty shades of K we talked about therapy. And I'm someone that goes to therapy also and I feel for anybody that is struggling with something just go to therapy who might bring TDs in a perfectly it is like chicken soup for your soul patch it makes you feel. Makes you feel better it's an outside party but yes going through a couple of them there's nothing wrong with that and even though all a lot of times you may be people pleaser is you have to find the right fit for you and their peers understand that as I found. I have their priest I loved who went on and took another job until I was at square one and I do due to other therapies to find the 1 that I am now. Because you wanted to be a good match site I love that she brought that up because there's nothing wrong and had a doing your homework and seen a couple people do for you find the right fit. The thing that I like about where I go is that they also do have the psychiatrist there and they're the ones that are able to help you get the proper medication and some don't know the difference between that president does psychiatrists aren't the ones that he's a victim prescribed medication yes and the therapy is the one you could sit down. And talk through some of these issues needs and a Jewish that was something that. I would never really understood when I started my. Battles with depression and everything in the very beginning because my own doctor that I went to his family doctor and I only doctor coming was the one that started me. Along the lines of that packs all the drug that just kind of messed me up. And when I had started going to my struggle when I was married my family doctor at the time name. Decided to kind of helped changed after they'd gone into a different on descriptions and things like that and then doctor that I had my family doctor she started to mess with that. And it messed me up more than anything because I was at the point where I couldn't function medication wasn't working right I was tired of the time I was crying on a time. I was the most horrible experience that it wasn't a good yeah you know I was remind me of how I was back in my college days so. It was nice that when I did meet at their percent to have now. I was able to meet psychiatrists and she was actually able to share my story. And know what I've been on and was able to help me because she was able to add stuff that held to me I think that helps him more in daily get through some of other struggles that I don't let you know and sometimes people are embarrassed because. They are on medication or they go to a therapist but if that wasn't for that Tampa seemed firm mean sometimes I don't want to. Mean he always still like I'm gonna be on something forever but sometimes I think it's something that I have to realize. That is something that does help me. And it keeps me stable for myself and my children does that bother you when people say. We just stop taking the medication or maybe it is because the medication do you hear things like that ascent and does bother me at times because sometimes I like to get off I don't wanna take out have to but then. And the back of my hat in my mind I know that that sees sometimes. I felt that people that do go through depression anxiety postpartum and things like that that society looks back. I Eli and things that Ali and I you can have a pill that will help you all you can do this you can't do that but then people get you down sometimes for. Taking medication. Or trying to get help because they think you know you could do it yourself and it under attack. I just feel like your week yes I feel like is so far from the truth because for someone like you that has struggled with this as a raising these two kids. Point your divorce had lost a baby and single mom. I don't see week in any of that I see a lot of strength and that and it's unfortunate because society. Likes to put him being label on everybody and every single person is soul different and that's why you wanna say you walk in my issues. Yes for an hour per week. And then tell me exactly how you'd think I should be dealing with this. And it's why I love that we're doing this podcast because everyone's story is different than ever someone that's listening to this right now there may be feels like. Amy telling my story. I feel like Amy but they're lost they're on what to do what would you suggest to someone like that. I would suggest to that person to reach out and try to find at their cassette they couldn't you can ask your family doctor because sometimes they do are able to refer you. And also you might have friends or something like appellation B. Afraid to speak out on some very lucky because they do have my mom and I do have a common apart person in my life my boyfriend and he. Now is now like I was telling you before as I start feeling these issues like if phils matter I feel like something's going to be coming up. It's sad once you do hit the depression anxiety level your body know Jose you're able to handle at the sometimes you know what's coming. And when you know what's coming if you don't have that their best if you have a a family member or so many significant near line to be ale to tell me his like I told you on the phone. I do that too and I'm having a really rough time and I know what's coming up and I can feel it. I'll con my mom my mom tells you make sure your senior therapist major doing this. Until my boyfriend and he'll be there attack helping guide me you know it just because you need that support. And you shouldn't be afraid to on speak up and get support because. That's what keeps me going and now when I look around in my life I have two beautiful children have my family. And everything's going good for me but I still do have that dark cloud that will follow me but I am. I feel that. The way I can get rid of my dark cloud is by going to make their pay by taking my medication then my having at that support system. As okayed it fell lol it's OK to have your days that you got to be able to. You know pick yourself up and keep going because. In other so much more to life than filling down and hash. Her right and yet these two kids that they need you very much neck and see your eyes you. You love your daughter and you love your son he's your rambled AV. I'm so happy that he is here he's got spunk he's got everything in when I have a bad day it's so nice to look over and see my children because they bring so much. Happy next to me and thank goodness. That you had the strength and the courage to go with the hope that you need to you can meet a place like this right now on to talk about it. Our podcast and I am sure this can be a little nerve racking for you because it's easier deepest darkest moments in your life and now our leading to some of your best moments in electric your kids. But to speak so candidly about is why I want you to. To coming Amy because you and your so honest. And that can only help more people because. In a moment like that. People feel very alone the deal alone they feel shame they feel embarrassed that the whole list. And there are people missing this that are in that spot right now that whole thing gonna hear your story. To find that it's okay to speak up and say. This is too much I can't handle this. Oh won't connect takes a village. To village with kids whether you're struggling with depression or not it does take. The help he said of good doctors in a good support system I'm so glad that you have that now because you are in a place I feel like based on talking you last couple times. We recognize when it's coming up you know what to say to your support system. And perhaps and I Ryan does it not last as long now because you kind of have your routine and this is what I need to do. Yet it's a short lived. Like it's a feeling yucky on Monday about I Wednesday I'll be batter I think it's just to that the skills and I've given myself a Mikey said. It's okay if Phil sad but there's so much more I mean FIA. Didn't change my ways if I wasn't able to do everything in turn everything around after my divorce and get a job and do what I am doing. And being in the place hammering now I wanna be sitting here and I am just so grateful that I am here I'm grateful that I have. Turned myself around I'm very proud of myself I'm hard on myself but and they are proud of myself because I've come a long way this these past couple years and I think anybody can do this it's gonna be a hired fight but you can't do you can't give up on yourself because. You gotta do it for yourself first and you do have your support and your doctors in different things like that but. Unitas a look at back myself and right now I'm very happy at what I'm doing and time and and very pat myself but I know all I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for so important to different things and I have so I mean. All said. Beginning 2000 you said metadata for UN you're proud of yourself because that is such good self dialogue that were also hard on ourselves and we have this tape that plays and I had some times in a lot of times it's with women. Where were so hard on ourselves that we're not enough. We're not doing it the best way point you setting your pride yourself and that is a great takeaways that we also have a mall insane hate pat ourselves on the back. But I'm glad that you earn a place that you can say that. Now nine knowledge and it's located speak up I mean you should speak up for yourself. Interior own person you know no matter what's going on in your life you've got to speak up for yourself because you're the one that's gonna make happen. And my gosh for people that. Feel like that's weakness I don't know what makes anyone weak and mean. The break it down and simplest form of I am Kyrie in twelve bags of groceries and I can't open the door. And I see it is someone can you grab the door. Does it make me weak old mix ants look at I'm here twelve basic groceries I can't take all that I can't open the door for myself it's okayed. To ask for help. And light there's really no shame in any of that and that's. Amy what gear we really trying to talk about today that there really is no shame in doing that them know what is your whole. For your kids my CU tearing up as I asked you that because that's a heavy question but really what is your hope for those two kids. Offer both of them I want them to be very independent visuals. Never be afraid to ask rating but I just want them to be very successful individuals and to walk away just knowing. When they want got in my house someday match you know you don't want them to vote when they do I want them to walk away knowing that. They can do anything and everything that is out there for them that they have me to support them I don't care what they do I'll always be there to support them they can never do wrong. But just that they are happy and doing what they wanna do no matter what happens no matter if they go down. Along scare rode my mom was there she still there and I'll continue to do that from my kids. Call me mean their loved you have you think you got lucky to have a mom like you because you thought. For you and for them and that's why you're here today yet thank you so much for taking the time to come here and chat with me and for everyone that's listening and because this this is shouldn't be taboo anymore it shouldn't this is a real thing that happens to many many women. And it's okay and your not alone and we blinked up at nine and won the mixed dot com some resources and books and web sites and places to go if you think you are strung a postpartum depression and doesn't take a look at that in 991 the mix dot com thank you so much in me. Thank you. If you enjoy this podcast and you want your more make sure to subscribes to can be updated when there's a new episode. So to subscribe just podcasts on your Smartphone. Open your podcast app. Or you lose your Google play app in the search backs tight end at fifty shades of K. Now the fifties spelled out so it's 50. Shades of Kate once the podcast comes up click on it and then hit the subscribe button and as always reveal any comments or suggestions for the podcast feel pretty email me at Elizabeth Kay radio at That's Elizabeth K a Y radio at Thanks for listening.